In my last year of college in the mid-90s, I donated eggs through a clinic here in Portland, OR. At the time (age 21), I thought it sounded like sort of an interesting thing to do-- help an infertile couple out while also spreading my genes. Plus the (now paltry) $1,200 seemed like good compensation for what I figured would be a fairly minor role on my part. The donation process itself was hell (I remember thinking what it involved for me physically was worth far more than $1,200), but I won't go into it here. The clinic operated on strict anonymity, so the couple who ended up choosing my eggs only had a picture of me and some basic information about me. The clinic folks told me that they had chosen me for my musicality. After I donated and they successfully conceived, they sent me flowers through the clinic with a very sweet card saying they'd always remember me with love. I tucked the card away in a book and went on with my life.
I never knew if the pregnancy went to term, so I didn't know if I actually had a kid out there or not. Over the years I of course wondered what became of my eggs, whether the resulting pregnancy resulted in a child, and what kind of person that child would become. Last Summer I read an article about how DNA services have brought together donors and the children that came from their genes, so I waited until Ancestry.com's service was on sale and submitted a sample. I never really thought about what it would be like to actually make contact.
But he did.
Two days ago I got an email from a young man who said that his mother received a donated egg over 20 years ago that resulted in his birth. He had also submitted a sample to Ancestry and it had connected us with a 100% parent/child relationship. He very much wanted to make contact, he said. Holy shit, I said.
So I wrote back and this is definitely my kid. He looks like my grandfather and brother to a startling degree. He is incredibly musical, majoring in composition at a state music school. I am a life-long classical music dork. Within hours of making contact we were texting about Bach's Goldberg Variations.
He tells me he and his mom found me together and they BOTH want to meet me. Soon. I am not sure I'm prepared for this. I donated eggs in a sort of detached way, thinking it was sort of neat, not expecting to actually have this person in my life. I am terrified that my detached attitude from 23 years ago will prevail and he'll feel rejected by his donor. I really want to get to know this person and to help him in any way know about his maternal heritage. I'm just kind of ...startled and scared? How do I not fuck this up?
I never knew if the pregnancy went to term, so I didn't know if I actually had a kid out there or not. Over the years I of course wondered what became of my eggs, whether the resulting pregnancy resulted in a child, and what kind of person that child would become. Last Summer I read an article about how DNA services have brought together donors and the children that came from their genes, so I waited until Ancestry.com's service was on sale and submitted a sample. I never really thought about what it would be like to actually make contact.
But he did.
Two days ago I got an email from a young man who said that his mother received a donated egg over 20 years ago that resulted in his birth. He had also submitted a sample to Ancestry and it had connected us with a 100% parent/child relationship. He very much wanted to make contact, he said. Holy shit, I said.
So I wrote back and this is definitely my kid. He looks like my grandfather and brother to a startling degree. He is incredibly musical, majoring in composition at a state music school. I am a life-long classical music dork. Within hours of making contact we were texting about Bach's Goldberg Variations.
He tells me he and his mom found me together and they BOTH want to meet me. Soon. I am not sure I'm prepared for this. I donated eggs in a sort of detached way, thinking it was sort of neat, not expecting to actually have this person in my life. I am terrified that my detached attitude from 23 years ago will prevail and he'll feel rejected by his donor. I really want to get to know this person and to help him in any way know about his maternal heritage. I'm just kind of ...startled and scared? How do I not fuck this up?
